User blog comment:Omnirock/The Dark Bard's Journal-Fanfictions!/@comment-8706772-20130529032231

This was really fun to read! I love the allusions to the spells that we all know... really brings me into the story. I like the stuttering as it fits with Toby being exhausted and tortured, and it makes me read his lines in his own voice. There were some random, funny moments - using the modern terms 'facepalm' and 'friend-zone' which was entertaining.

Some contructive feedback if you want it:

1. You are probably already ontop of this, but it needs a couple edits in writing. (check->cheek, etc) Even things like "Which is was, obviously", aren't really needed.

2. As it was fairly fast paced, it was difficult to learn who all the characters are (perhaps because I'm bad with names :/). It would be nice to introduce who everyone is, rather than having them just appear in the middle of the story.

Overall it was great! It really makes me want to write one of these...I'll probably get started soon, give up for a while, and pick it back up again :D Thanks for this!